Why Are People So Afraid Of Intense People Like Me?
“Dial it down.” “Calm down.” “Don’t be so much.” “Stop being so high.” “You are too intense.” “Why are you always too much?”
I have heard these statements all of my life. It wasn’t mildly annoying to hear these words thrown at me on a daily or weekly basis. It was extremely degrading, and humiliating. I hated myself for being too much. I wanted to feel less, I wanted to be less, and I wanted to do less.
Cool as a cucumber. Cool as so many of those ice princesses roaming around, who felt nothing, or at least they looked like they felt nothing. I wanted to be like them. Desperately.
Over time, I realized it was a hopeless endeavour. I wasn’t ever going to be like them.
If someone broke my heart, I wasn’t going to be calmly posting about it on Instagram or prowling the clubs dressed up to the nines looking for my next victim. I was going to be raging against the machine, screaming, crying, wailing about the unfairness of it all. And more. (more…)