heart

I was speaking to a friend of mine recently and she asked me a question that acted like a sort of eureka moment for me. She asked me how much longer I was going to keep thinking that I had some kind of time debt to pay off. And how much longer would it take for me to pay off that debt.

You see, even though, I am living my ideal life right now, I feel like I wasted my life basically from the time I was 21 to around the age of 29. It was all about partying, wasting time and energy on nonsense, clubbing and drinking, buying too much shit, and running after the next shiny object. Even speaking about it makes me really angry and disappointed in myself.

Of course, if you believe that everything is happening for a reason, then that phase in my life had to happen for this phase in my life to begin. But, and this is a big but in my head, I couldn’t accept that theory for the longest time. The only thought that went round and round in my head was that I wasted my best years, on nothingness. I wasted my time, and energy on nonsense.

I felt like a failure, and if I had to stop feeling like a failure, I had to pay back those years, by working twice or thrice or ten times as hard right now.