If you spend any time on social media of any kind, or any online forum, you realize one thing quickly enough. There are a lot of extremely talented, creative, and mindblowingly original artists and people out there. Seriously! There are so many crazy weird ways to be creative nowadays, that it absolutely makes my mind spin and boggle.
Okay, so there are a lot of talented people out there. What does this mean for the rest of us? That’s the real question, isn’t it? That’s the main question that runs through my head. When I read someone else’s brilliant writing, that cuts my writing to pieces, I think to myself, ‘Now what?’
Now what do I do? What is the next step here? Do I sit down in my room, and cry myself to sleep, because my writing is not even close to good, when compared to so many talented writers out there? Or do I keep on writing, so that one day, maybe in the far off future, my writing will come up to par? (more…)
The interesting thing about the cognitive bias called the False consensus effect, is that even though I know that I’m biased towards my own opinions, I still think I am not. “Everyone else is biased, but I’m not,” I say.
We all know that our opinion is just one opinion in a sea of opinions, but we still assume that our opinion as common as the stars in the night sky.
This causes another bias to creep into our thinking and judgment. If we assume the commonness of our own opinions, experiences, and judgments, then it must mean that everyone else is thinking and experiencing the same thing. Thus, we can assume we know what they are thinking or feeling. Which isn’t true. We have no idea really!
In cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), it’s also called Mind-reading error – where we assume we know what other people are thinking or feeling.
Stop Assuming Other People Think Like You – It’s a Cognitive Bias
One of the first times I realized about the cognitive bias that people think differently from each other was when I saw how people view a glass of water as half-empty (pessimist) or half-full (optimist).
It was really fascinating to me, that people could be looking at the same thing, and see completely different things.
I also read that people have different color rods in their eyes, and that means, that if you are looking at a blue dress, and I am looking at a blue dress, we are both seeing a different shade of blue!!! We even see color differently!!
Absolutely mind-blowing. Not only that, but it also gives us a lot of food for thought.
What does this mean for humans, when we are having a conversation or trying to negotiate a deal or run a country filled with diverse opinions, thoughts, and experiences?
Every single person on this planet is going to look at the same exact issue, in 7.8 billion different ways. That’s what is the fascinating thing about being a human on this diverse, multicultural, and multi-lingual planet right now.
You cannot believe even for a second that other people think like you.
Not only do people differ in their genetic structures, but also in life experiences, and in their physical bodies, and so much more. There are so many things differentiating us from the person sitting next to us.
Even twins, who might have grown up in an identical environment and have identical DNA, will end up with differing views and opinions. What chance do we have when we don’t even share DNA or life experiences of seeing eye-to-eye?
A few months ago, I started speaking about a specific kind of personality type on YouTube called INFJs. We are supposedly the rarest personality type in the world, and highly misunderstood, and confused about ourselves. I know, because I am an INFJ, and it took me a long time to understand myself. It took years of journaling, reflection, observation, meditation, and yoga for me to get to a basic understanding of myself. I decided to start this YouTube channel because I thought I know how alone and insane I felt when I was young. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me all the freaking time. There was a lot wrong with me, but also a lot right as well. I wanted to share a bit of my knowledge with the world. Because it was so important to me to be understood when I was a young and foolish INFJ myself. I hoped that if I shared my meagre…
When I am out in the world, I feel like a sophisticated, adult, mature, and generally well-rounded person. I feel good. Awesome. Exceptional at times, even. But, as soon as I visit my parents, through no fault of their own, but all because of the ideas and prejudices that I have cultivated in my mind palace, I feel like I am a child again, who doesn’t know what she’s doing, and has no clue where she’s going in life. I will go in, knowing my goals, and aspirations, and having everything set up perfectly in my head. And then I’ll come out feeling like the biggest failure ever. Of course, this has all to do with the fact that my parents (thankfully) have really high aspirations and standards for me, standards that perhaps, I shall never ever reach in my life. But, that means, that I always keep on working hard, pushing myself, and my boundaries to get higher and higher. This…
The professional keeps his eye on the doughnut and not on the hole. He reminds himself it’s better to be in the arena, getting stomped by the bull, than to be up in the stands or out in the parking lot. – The War Of Art, Steven Pressfield I would say for 90% of my life, I was not in the arena that I wanted to be in. In fact, I was so far away from the arena, that I would need a telescope to even see where my damn arena was. It was a dire situation to be in. Now that I am in the arena, I can safely say that there is no other place I would rather be. Even if it can a scary place at times, and I feel quite alone, and lost at all times, I am so grateful. So grateful that every single day of my life that I get to be alive, and play in…
Recently, I was sitting with a couple of women friends of mine. Not close friends or anything. Acquaintances. People I want to get to know better, I think. It’s always iffy with me, because people tire me out so much. But it was a beach party, and I was sitting with them, and I felt like it was a good decision overall. I mean, I was being social. “Look ma, I’m out with people. Not in my room doing my own thing. Like a crazy introvert.” I really wanted to go back home and be on my own, but I was trying to be an adult. Trying to be normal. It was all going so well. Oh boy, was it going well. I was sitting and listening to them speak about how terrible men are, and how women are all goddesses. I nodded at the right moments, and empathized at the other right moments. Ah, we are really connecting, I thought to…
Recently, I was sitting with an acquaintance of mine. She wanted to pick my brain, and even though, I absolutely despise that phrase, I decided to do it, because I don’t want to be a completely selfish human being. As we were sitting down, and chatting, I explained to her that I go to bed at around 730 or 8pm, because my nighttime routines take a bit of time, so I actually fall asleep around 830 or 9pm. And then, I wake up around 530 or 6am. Depending on the day.
Her comeback to that was, “Wow, that’s around 9 hours. You must have no stress in your life at all.”
I wanted to cut her to pieces right then and there, because she was making an assumption about my entire life and persona based on the fact that I sleep really well. The truth is that this person that I was speaking to is absolutely fucking miserable.
She’s unhappy. Absolutely unhappy. Her solution to all of her misery?? To sit with other miserable people and chatter and whitter about it all freaking day and night. (more…)
I’m sure this is the same for a lot of people on this planet. My quarter-life crisis didn’t come to me until I turned 30. When I was 25, I was still foolish, still searching, and still dreaming. I thought everything would work out perfectly, because I still had a lot of time. But when I turned 30, all of a sudden, there was this alarm bell that rang out in my head that said, “Warning, warning, you are 30, and you haven’t accomplished anything useful with your life.”
That was the whole point of my crisis. My existential crisis, or my quarter life crisis, whatever you wish to call it. I hadn’t accomplished anything that I could be proud of until then. Yes, I had filled my life with stuff. I had filled my life with nonsense. I had done things. So many things. Things to speak about, things to brag about, things to fill my conversations and head with.
But those things, were they meaningful to me in any big way? Not really. They didn’t touch my heart. They were fun to speak of, and other people would go buggy-eyed when they heard me tell my lifestory. But I knew in my own heart that I had not reached my highest potential. (more…)
I’m in my 30s now, and it’s a weird thing. I have never been happier, and I have never felt better. But so many people message me or talk to me all the time about wanting to be 20 again. “I wish I could be 20 again.” They say over and over again.
I also recently watched an Anime (love them) and it was again portraying this emotion of wanting to go back, wanting no regrets, wanting to go back and warn our younger self, wanting to go back and correct all of our mistakes. All of this started making me think, as it always does. Life happens, and then it triggers something inside of me, and then I go into this deep spiral of self-reflection, and self-analysis.
The main question I had for myself was “Am I the same as these people? Do I want to go back again as well? Do I want to be 20 again?”
If it isn’t obvious already, the answer for me was a resolute ‘No’. This blog post is all about why I think that way, why I would never want to go back, and why I am so happy being here right now in this moment as I am. (more…)
